Head straight – old addiction returns though

14Nov11

Relax, it is not the big bad things of alcohol, drugs or beat small animals.  It is the problem that affects most Americans.  Eating way too fucking much and eating the wrong things.

My daily lack of real cardio.  My repeated efforts to get into things and then quickly abandon them whether it be diet plans or exercise programs or both.  The old story of millions of people.  Whine to the choir, am i.

The reasons for eating and not exercising have become the most recent dive into my psyche.  Because we has humans must categorize things for the main reason is that once we categorize it, we can understand it and it is less scary.  That is a need for a longer conversation.

But my category is emotional eating.

I eat when i am happy.

when I am sad.

when I am bored.

when I am angry.

list an emotion and my response is to eat.

not being hungry does not matter.  One of my favorite lines is Danny DeVito from Other Peoples Money when he asks the cute girl if she wants a donut.  She answers, ‘I am not hungry’.  Danny looks at her bewildered and says ‘what does being hungry have to do with eating a donut’.

Great line and so true of my life.  I envy those people who only eat when they are hungry.  I envy those poor people who have the drive and discipline to starve themselves into bulimia.

My life is not hard.  It is not easy, but hard – hardly – ha.

I live more in my means now.

I have forgiven myself for transgressions that only I held against myself.

I have reconnected with my children, family and friends at a level that is far beyond what my father ever had time to do with me.

Still – the eating thing is there and ever present.  In fact, it is tied to an overall inability to discipline myself on most anything.

learning a new language – tried for a few months, bought Rosetta Stone – give it up

books that take months to read, because I start, stop, start, stop.  Though audible books I am more focused, but that is only the past month – we will see.

exercise equipment

writing

so on and so on.

But, eating that I can do and keep with regardless of everything else.

I may write more about it as I delve, if I can keep disciplined about that.

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Tags: discipline, eating disorder, emotional eating, fat