More about forgiving yourself
I was brought up a catholic and as such experienced confession. As a child and a teenager, confession was scary as along with being catholic I was brought up by a Lutheran grandmother who made it clear we were all bad and should be guilty about it always. This conflict of trying to be good and not have anything to confess and knowing that you were bad and had a lot to confess fucked me up for years.
Not really, but it did not help matters.
Confession is a good thing and if the catholics would get back to the root of the need for confession and absolution, the world would be a better place. The reason for seeking forgiveness from god via your priest is because it is so very very hard to forgive yourself. It is actually easy to forgive yourself it you feel a greater power has forgiven you. This is the brilliance of the original thoughts on confession and absolution in knowing that psychology of humans. But, I digress.
You need to forgive yourself for the bad you have done to move past it and love yourself. You cannot seek others forgiveness until you forgive yourself. Those AA people have it right with their 12 steps.
So list the evil you have wrought.
Categories like
- Actual criminal activity
- drugs
- sex
- mean things to people or animals
- having feelings you hate to have
then add
- done to strangers
- done to loved ones
- done to casual acquaintances
- done to enemies
- done to yourself
List them all and realize there will be more.
For us white people, we have the white guilt over things like treatment of Native Americans, slavery, Japanese-American interment camps and the desire to feel superior to other races in general. Definitely get that one on there – if your white or whitish.
Then seek forgiveness for each and everyone – from the only person it really matters to get that forgiveness from.
Yourself.
Go ahead and smirk.
It sounds too simple. It is NOT.
Your thinking, I just say I forgive me and done right.
No.
Have you ever told someone you love them? I do not mean that teenage girl “I looooooove you”, but real deep emotional look them solid in the eyes and tell them that you love them and have the conviction that it will be forever.
You know what I am talking about.
That depth of feeling is what you have to seek and then deliver to forgive yourself.
It is not easy.
Thus, the reason we look to others to forgive us be it god, mom/dad or some other authority that we give the power to.
It just is not enough and really does not work.
As a race, the human race, we hate ourselves most of the time. Our religions have a lot to do with this, but they have just formalized it. Religion did not create this hatred, no that is the wrong word – disappointment in ourselves. Because this disappointment creates the guilt we carry with us.
I continue to work on this daily – really every single day I go through the above categories.
I break laws each day – traffic mainly, but there are others. I am routinely mean to people and most often have bad thoughts about people.
They are ugly, dumb looking, stupid drivers, too fat, too loud or unbelievably hot looking and would it be nice to have sex with them.
Going to hell, am I.
No – I am not. I will leave the religious argument for others, but for me I am not because hell for me is the land of the unforgiven.
I will not be there, I am in the land of fuck you I have forgiven myself because it is the RIGHT thing to do.
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